1. It’s Spelled “WILLIS”. It’s Pronounced “Sears”

Disney owns Marvel? Okay. Clorox owns Burt’s Bee’s? Fine. But the “Willis Group” owns the Sears Tower and a city rises up in protest. A recap for you out of towners: if you refer to it as the “Willis Tower” in public, you may be chased with torch and pitchfork.

2. Deep Dish is a Lot Like Egg Nog

How many times have you had deep dish in the last month? If your answer is more than “three”, seek help. Realistically, 95% of all Chicagoans only eat deep dish when relatives from out of state come to visit. Let’s be clear, there’s nothing wrong with deep dish pizza. But unless you have a large group and easy access to the cheesy goodness, it’s probably not a regular meal.

3. The “Chicago Accent” Isn’t a Thing

How often do you really see people talking like an Italian mobster or hitting their “R’s” with the strength of a 747 turbine during takeoff. Maybe you’ll let it slip on accident every now and then, but it’s nowhere near the caricature that we see on television.

4. Cheap Parking Requires a Deal with the Devil (but Divvy Bikes are Unacceptable )

You may be out $20 just for pulling into a Chicago parking garage. Unless you get smart with apps like SpotHero , hunting for a garage like any other schmuck just isn’t economical. Divvy Bikes, on the other hand may offer a cheap and convenient alternative at the cost of annoying every driver in a five block radius.

5. Lake Effect Snow Does NOT Equal Snow

Snow is to ice as a smoothie is to a popsicle. Lake effect snow is to snow as a monster truck is to a Prius. It’s the kind of snow that will make you wonder if Mother Nature has a personal
vendetta against you specifically. Should you encounter lake effect snow in the wild, seek shelter immediately the risk of wandering into Narnia increases 250%.

5. “I’m from Chicago” = “I’m from the Suburbs”

We’ve all seen this. You want to sound cool in the presence of out of towners so you try to pass off Naperville as “the heart of Chicago”. Here’s the hard and fast rules:

• You’re from: The Burbs | Talking to: Out of Towners | You’re “from”: “A suburb of Chicago”
• You’re from: The Burbs | Talking to: Out of Staters | You’re “from”: “A suburb of Chicago”
• You’re from: The Burbs | Talking to: Internationals | You’re “from”: “Chicago”
• You’re from: Chicago | Talking to: Chicagoans | You’re “from”: “[INSERT NEIGHBORHOOD]”